This satirical piece first appeared on awate.com in June 2009
Ahmed Raji, ZNN News
(This
is not a satire)
A
Swedish TV crew which recently conducted an interview
with the Eritrean president has sought asylum in Eritrea. Journalist
Donald
Boström, his producer, and his cameraman have adopted the East
African country as their new home, renouncing their Swedish
citizenship. Reached by telephone from Nairboi, a jubilant Boström
confirmed the news of his defection along with his two colleagues.
The news has shocked Swedish society and made headlines across
Europe. Pundits and analysts have been pondering the possible motives
for such unprecedented move.
In
the now famous interview, the Eritrean president dissected the
atrocious realities of Western societies, taking Sweden as a blatant
case study of societal inequalities and state malfunction. He
patiently catalogued the virtues and achievements of his own rule,
leaving no choice for his interviewer but to conclude that Eritrea’s
was the best system of governance he had ever come across. The next
morning, Boström and his colleagues were standing at the door of
general Affan, Eritrea’s immigration and citizenship tsar, to make
their application for asylum.
An
exciting array of programs is lined up for the three journalists for
the summer, including a six-week political education camp in Nakfa
and a one-month live-in internship at Weddi Legges’ farm in
the vicinity of Tessenei. The latter is believed to give the three
men a unique opportunity to observe, first-hand, the Eritrean
economic miracle. “It is going to be very exciting”, said
Boström, his voice exuding genuine enthusiasm. “I can’t wait to
be heading down to Gash-Barka”. He plans to make his stay at the
legendary Weddi Legges ranch “a total immersion”. “I
expect this to be an almost spiritual experience”, he said. He also
proudly mentioned that the President himself and numerous other
prominent officials, including general Wucchu, often spend their
weekends at the famed ranch, which would make the prospect of the
internship all the more rewarding.
While
these developments have baffled many back home in Sweden, Boström
maintains that their act was the natural thing to do once the truth
about their own inadequate system was revealed to them. The interview
with the Eritrean president was an eye-opening experience. Indeed,
their whole trip to Eritrea proved to be a life-changing journey.
“Before the interview, we were living in complete ignorance”
Boström said. “How such a despicable and unjust system as the one
we have in Sweden was able to conceal its true nature for so long is
baffling” he said, adding, “My life in Sweden was a sham.”
Asked
by the Tigrinya service of the VOA whether the three journalists
would join the ministry of information’s cadre of reporters, Mr.
Ali Abdu, Eritrea’s minister information, answered in the positive.
“That’s correct” he said, “They will be given the opportunity
to serve the truth. But, as prospective citizens of this country,
they would first have to fulfill their national duty.” An 18-month
national service is mandatory in Eritrea (although, in practice, the
majority of recruits volunteer to extend their service to several
years). Sources close to Forte Baldissera1
told ZNN that minister Abdu has assigned News guru Weddi
Barnosai
to coach the newcomers in the workings and techniques of the Ministry
of Information, in strict adherence to the ethos: ‘Serving the
Truth’.
Meanwhile,
the trio was given a room at ‘Enda Zena’, the Ministry of
Information’s residential building in the Kagnew compound. A
spokesman for the ministry said that, once their families join them,
they would be given more spacious accommodation at Segen
houses in Mai Temenai or ‘enda quteba’. It didn’t
take long for the three men to adapt to their new surroundings. One
neighbor described the new tenants as pleasant, courteous and
extremely cooperative. They are already participating in the
community’s sports and social activities with exceptional passion
and have volunteered for a project or two. Their Tigrinya classes are
progressing at a phenomenal speed, while the fashion of their
blending in the local scene has been seamless. The cameraman was
spotted early in the morning on Thursday standing in a queue in front
of the neighborhood’s dkuan Hidri, to receive the trio’s
first monthly ration of sugar, cooking oil and pasta. He later
expressed his admiration for the discipline, patience and optimism of
the shoppers, which struck him as a complete contrast to the
individualism of Western societies that he had gladly turned his back
on. “This is a truly egalitarian society” he said.
A
request for an interview with general Affan (concerning Mr. Bostrom
and his two colleagues’ naturalization process) was not answered.
However, one of the general's assistants disclosed to ZNN News that,
depending on the progress that the three journalists make in their
education and rehabilitation (tehadso)
programs, there was a strong possibility that they would be put on a
fast-track towards full Eritrean citizenship.
1
The Eritrean Ministry of Information headquarters
[The following clarification was published a week later on awate.com]
The irony in Isaias’ Swedish TV interview
Ahmed Raji - Jun 12, 2009
Under
Isaias, Eritrea has managed many ‘firsts’ and broken quite a few
world and African records – albeit at the wrong end of the spectrum. It
is the world’s biggest prison, the biggest jailer of journalists in
Africa, the most oppressive among 169 countries of press freedom, and
it has one of the highest per capita outflows of young refugees in
the world. In every tragic tale of refugees perishing in the high
seas, in the desert, or at some border crossing, there is an Eritrean
story.
This
is the country that Isaias has bragged about in his interview with
Donald Boström. This is his paradise – a place where the only
choices available to young people are indefinite servitude,
languishing in one of countless dungeons, or fleeing the country even
at the risk of being killed. The man who turned his country into a
giant gulag, boasted the merits of his rule. He reduced his people to
destitution and yet has the audacity to talk about economic growth and food
security. He shamelessly declared that Dawit Isak will never receive
justice. Presiding over the ruins of a land that once promised a lot,
he lashed at Sweden, a nation that is the envy of many. Just think
about it – a brutal despot whose country is losing en masse its
most productive population claims that his regime is better than that
of the country providing refuge to those same young exiles. Do
you see the irony? The
surrealism, the almost barbaric hilarity of the situation?
This
is the backdrop against which the parody I wrote a week ago should be
read; which is exactly what many readers did. The irony, I
presume, was not lost to the interviewer, Mr. Boström, either.
Consider, for example, his question (to Isaias): “Since you have
this very good system, where do you see Eritrea in 2015?”
I
didn’t expect that my satire would be taken as real news by some
readers! My first reaction was: "really?! Can anyone take this
seriously?" Indeed,
can anyone familiar with the Eritrean reality be fooled that this is serious
news? What happened to our sense of humour? We probably need good
doses of The
Colbert Report and The
Onion,
or any of their witty cousins elsewhere. Yet, serious news is what
some readers thought the piece was. My apologies to those who did. I
tell those readers: rest assured; following the interview with our
unelected ruler, Mr. Boström was duly back to his home country,
Sweden, enjoying the blessings and amenities of one of the world’s
freest, most prosperous, and most humane societies.
And here is a link to Victoria Bernal's article on Eritrean politics and the powers of humor, which analyzes the above satirical piece.
Please forget democracy and justice:
Eritrean politics and the powers of humor
ALSO CHECK MY OTHER BLOG: http://ahmed-raji.blogspot.com/
